A look into the x-men's minds
by Rogue8
Summary: I really could have done more to Scott in this, but oh well...
1. Default Chapter Title

A look into the x-men's minds   
  
For any of you that were reading How's it gonna be? I'm working on the last part, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. Please excuse any bad accents, Some of them are hard!   
Disclaimer: Marvel's stuff=marvel's Rogue8=ME! Batwoman=one of my best friends evil alter-ego's. Got it?   
  
Rogue8: narrated by Batwoman, wonderfully great comentary by everyone's favorite Rogue8!   
Batwoman: of course zere is only vone of you.   
Rogue8: just start narrating!   
Batwoman: Today ve vill be taking a journey into ze psyche of ze x-men to determine ze deapths of zere-   
Rogue8: that's the worst accent I've ever heard.   
Batwoman: vat do you mean zis is ze vorst accent you've ever heard? Fine. Today we will be taking a trip deep into the x-men's psches, blah blah blah...   
Rogue8: we start with the mind of what apears to be the most disturbed x-man, Scott Summers...   
  
Jean: oh, Scott, you're so sexy!   
Scott: I'm sorry Jean, I'm comited to someone else.   
Ororo: Scott! Please I love you!   
Scott: No, I'm sorry.   
Logan: Scott, I want to have mad, animal sex with you.   
Pr. X: No! He's comitted to me! We're going to get married! And I want to have his children!   
Rogue: uh, professah?  
Pr. X: I said I want to, not that I'm going to!   
  
Batwoman: but it's to late, for Scott has already left, with...   
Rogue8: CABLE!   
Batwoman: That's not right! He's his dad!   
Rogue8: hey, it's scott's sick mind, not mine.   
Batwoman: um... on to our next disturbing mind,   
Rogue8: the twisted mind of Jean!   
  
Logan: I want to sleep with you!   
Remy: I want to sleep with you!   
Kurt: I want to sleep with you! Nate: I want to sleep with you!   
  
Batwoman: Wait. Stop. Nobody is sleeping with their parents, clones of their parents, alternate versions of their parents, NO RELATIVES!   
Rogue8: fine, suck all the fun out of it.   
Batwoman: Now, back to the story   
  
Sam: I want to sleep with you!   
Alex: I want to sleep with you!   
Jono: I want to sleep with you!   
Sean: I want to sleep with you!   
Angelo: I want to sleep with you!  
Forge: I want to sleep with you!   
Everret: I want to sleep with you!  
Bishop: I want to sleep with you!   
Scott: I want to sleep with the Professor!  
  
Batwoman: So she slept with the all. and 9 months later there was the strangest child ever seen, being as it had twelve fathers and all.  
Rogue8: is that even possible?  
Batwoman: I dunno, but it sure sound weird, don't it?   
Rogue8: and people say I'm the weird one? Well, on to our next demented mind, Storm!  
  
Batwoman: As ve enter Ororo's mind ve see her in her attic vroom vatering her plants. Ve also notice ze fact that-  
Rogue8: stop using that stupid accent!   
Batwoman: Ororo walks around her room watering her plants, humming softly. And talking to them. Wait a minute, she acctually named them?! Idividualy?! This is to weird. On to the next mind.  
Rogue8: we find one of the most drool-worthy x-men rooting through the fridge...  
  
Remy: Where's dat gumbo? Logan, you din't eat Remy's gumbo again did you?  
Logan: No, I felt it would be best to honor your rights and let you have it. but if you would make some for me? Please?   
Remy: ok.  
Rogue: Remy, guess what?! Ah got one of those power nulifier braclets! Ya still got the rest of that stuff?   
Remy: Sure do, chere, saved it special for you.  
Rogue8: Rogue and Remy leave room. We follow them. What kind of writers would we be if we didn't?  
Batwoman: as we come neer the entrance, we hear what i assume to be the mating calls of the female.  
Rogue: oh, Remy! remy! REMY!  
Rogue8: uh, I don't think you should- (Batwoman opens the door)-do that.  
(They are asaulted by various kineticaly charged objects, only one or two of which on purpose.)  
Rogue: Remy, sugah, it blew up.  
Remy: oh well, I always wanted a chil'.  
(Rogue8 and batwopman run in terror.)  
  
Rogue8: um, on to the next mind?  
Batwoman: sure. Bobby.  
Rogue8; I love bobby! uh, I mean, he's okay, I guess.  
Batwoman: okaay... Anyway, we find Bobby in the living room, surounded by women in bikinis, most of which are feeding or massging him.  
Rogue8: Oooh! Can I help?! Can I? Can I?  
Batwoman: sure, knock yourself out.  
  
Rogue8 (in sensual voice): oh, Bobby, you're so funny.  
Bobby: I am, aren't I?  
girl in bikini # 1: More grapes, Mr. Drake?  
Rogue8: Back off bitch! he's mine!  
Bobby: relax girls. there's enough of me to go around.  
Rogue8: okay!  
Batwoman: Rogue! stop it! there are laws against that!  
Rogue8: there are? what about this?  
Bobby: I have no proplem with it.  
  
Batwoman: okay, I guess that's okay. on to the next mind,  
  
...  
  
Batwoman: Rogue? Rogue! Stop that! Get back here right now!  
Rogue8: But it's _Bobby_.  
Batwoman: introduce the next mind! Now!   
Rogue8: Paige. Can I go back now?   
Batwoman: NO!   
  
Paige: oh, Sam! You're so handsome!   
Sam: ah am ain't I? Wait a minute, you're mah sister!   
Paige: So? we are from Kentucky.   
Sam: oh, yeah, ah guess it's okay then.   
  
Batwoman: what the hell was that about?   
Rogue8: I just have one thing to say, and it's acctualy (not) serious. I would like to dedicate the last disturbed mind to my cousin, Christine. You an' anthony're 'bout marryin' age now.   
Batwoman: you sick, disgusting freak! your cousins aren't getting married!   
Rogue8: note to self: birthday present for steph-sense of humor.   
Batwoman: I heard that!   
Rogue8: on to our next psyco!   
Batwoman: oh no! you are not getting away with that. 

Up next: More psycos! Senseless violence! More disturbing sexual acts! And a peek into my mind!  



	2. Another look into the x-men's minds

Another look into the x-men's minds

Disclaimer: If you don't know by now that Marvel owns the x-men, I recommend that you seek medical help. Or have someone hit you in the head really, really hard a few times. I own myself. Batwoman is based on one of my friends, Steph. I have no clue who owns Viagra, but I'm pretty sure Bob Dole owns himself.  
Send any feedback to me at firefly254@hotmail.com  
  
After a heated fight, much like the beginning of the Angry Beavers, Rogue8 and Batwoman are ready to continue visiting the x-men's minds...  
  
Batwoman: At least I'm ready, but somebody won't get out of Bobby's mind...Even though we're going to visit ALEX next.  
Rogue8(runs back): Alex? I'm back, What's happening in his head?  
Batwoman: In a bright flash of light, Alex appears on the front lawn of the mansion...  
  
Alex: It's good to be home. (rings doorbell) I wonder if they missed me.  
Jean: Alex, you're home!  
Alex: Yup. Where's Scott?  
Jean(Suddenly looking sad): he merged with apocalypse and disappeared.  
Alex: Wow. Sucks to be him. Wolverine?  
Jean(sadder): he's in Japan  
Alex: Gambit?  
Jean(starting to look downright depressed): Crying in his room because Rogue left him again  
Alex: Um, Nightcrawler?  
Jean(on the verge of tears): He's a priest in Germany.  
Alex: Um...who's left...oh yeah, Colossus?  
Jean(Tears rolling down her cheeks): He died to cure the legacy virus.  
Alex: Archangel?  
Jean(Bawling like one of those anime characters): I don't know!  
Alex: Pr.X?  
Jean (looks happy for a second, then remembers and starts crying again): He's with Magneto!  
Alex: Cool! Uh, I mean, that's to bad! Would you like me to comfort you?  
Jean(happy again): kay!  
  
Rogue8: Who's next?  
Batwoman: Um, Professor X.  
Rogue8: Why do I have a horrible idea oh what's probably coming up?  
Batwoman: Cause you should  
Rogue8: Can I go back to Bobby's mind so I don't have to see this?  
Batwoman: If I have to suffer through this, you do too.  
  
Professor X: Okay, Mystique, I think this contract shall meet all your requirements.  
Mystique: Does it still involve physical contact?  
Professor x: Well, um, yes, but I don't think it should be much of a problem...  
Mystique: It is. Look at you, you're an old guy in a hover chair! If I wanted that... Well, I don't know anybody else with a hover chair, but I know plenty of old guys that would be happy to-  
Professor x: Don't say his name! I can't believe he left me again! (cries like an anime)  
Mystique: Is that what this is about again?! (stands and morphs into Magneto) I'm sorry, Charles.  
Magneto (walking into room holding a box of chocolates and flowers): What are you doing?!  
Mystique-Magneto: Um, infiltrating their base?  
Magneto: Oh, carry on then. (turns to Xavier) These are for you, babe  
Professor x: Babe? Excuse me? I have a name!  
Magneto: These are for you, Charles.  
Professor X: Nope, not that one.  
Magneto: I can't believe I'm actually saying this. These are for you, sugar bear.  
Professor x: Oh! Thank you Maggy!  
Magneto: Uh, yeah. Exnay on the Aggymay  
Professor x: But that's what I always call you when we're in be-  
Magneto: BECKWELL's! The new store in the mall.  
Professor x(seductively): You know how I get when you yell. (giggles like a little girl. Magneto knocks everything off the desk and they get it on.)  
Magneto: Charles!  
Professor x: Eric!  
Magneto: Sugar bunny!  
Professor x: Maggy!  
Magneto: Scott!  
Professor x: What?!  
Magneto: Um, did I say Scott?  
Professor x: Yes, and I want an explanation!  
Magneto: Uh, I didn't finish. I was going to say... Scott, um... Scotland! Yes, that's it. I was going to ask you if you wanted to go with me to Scotland for a romantic weekend.  
Professor x: Oh, okay.  
Magneto (under his breath): that was a close one  
Professor x: Good, I was afraid that you were sleeping with my- my student.  
Magneto: Um, shall we get back to the task at hand?  
Professor x: Oh, yes of coarse. Carry on.  
Magneto: Charles!   
Professor x: Eric!  
Magneto: Didn't we already do this part?  
Professor x: Darn, now I'm distracted.  
Magneto: Uh-oh.  
Professor x: What was that?  
Magneto: It looks like the boys could use pep talks.  
Professor x: What- oh.  
Magneto: I don't seem to remember this being a problem last time...  
Professor x: You know it's your fault. Oh well, I have these pills, they do wonders for, this situation'  
Magneto: Really?  
Professor x: Really. My good friend Bob told me about them.  
Bob Dole: I'm Bob Dole, and I'm really old, but I can still get it up. What's wrong with you? I'm Bob Dole.  
Magneto: That's nice, Bob, but how can that help us?  
Bob Dole: I take one of my little friends, Viagra.  
Magneto: Uh, that's great. Can I have some of those?   
Bob Dole: Sure. (tosses him a bottle of pills and leaves)  
Magneto (takes a pill): Ah, that's better!  
Professor x: Shall we continue then?  
Magneto: I'm Eric Lernsher. I'm really old, but now I can-  
Professor x: AAHHHHHHH!!! No! Let me see the bottle! (Magneto tosses him the bottle) Oh, no! One of the side effects is: May say very loudly things no one around them wants to hear. Curse you Bob Dole, curse you! (He slaps Magneto) Snap out of it, man!   
Magneto: Sorry, sugar bunny.   
Professor x: Sugar Bunny? Awww, it's forgiven, Maggy.  
  
Rogue8: That was horrible!  
Batwoman: I can't see! I'm blind!   
Rogue8: It wasn't quite that bad...  
Batwoman: No, a flying...um...flying...thing hit me in the eye.  
Rogue8: Oh, okay then. Since you can't see I'll tell them the next one. Up next: Wolverine.  
Batwoman: OH! I read this one! It's the one with the chocolate syrup, right?  
Rogue8: Shut up! You'll give away the story!  
  
Wolverine: I'm home!  
Jean(running up to him): Logan! Scott came back!  
Wolverine: Good!  
Jean: Are you okay?  
(Scott walks in the room and Wolverine skewers him and throws him out the window.)  
Wolverine: I'm fine, why?  
Jean: Nevermind. How'd you do that without getting any blood on the carpet?  
Wolverine: Old trick.  
Jean: Oh. Say, when they gave you the adamantium, did it make all of you harder?  
Wolverine: If I told you it would ruin all the fun. You wanna find out for yourself?  
  
Batwoman: You're sick!  
Rogue8: What? It was an honest question.  
Batwoman: Where's the part with the chocolate syrup?   
Rogue8: Edited for content. I can't keep the PG13 on this with that scene.  
Batwoman: Whatever.  
Rogue 8: And now, it's time to visit the mind of-   
Batwoman: CABLE!   
Rogue8: that was my line! (hits Batwoman on head with script.)   
Batwoman: ow!   
Rogue8: Cable stood in a large field surrounded by bad guys. all the bad guys ever. Apocalypse, stryfe, sinister, sabertooth, magneto, and the greatest evils of all; menudo, the backstreet boys, nsync, hanson, and, (dramatic music plays) Brittany spears!   
  
Cable: (firing gun and killing various bad guys) I love shooting my big guns! And I love polishing my big guns! And I love to-   
Batwoman: That's sick! stop writing that!   
Rogue8: It's not sick, you're sick.   
Cable: And I love-   
Batwoman: I'm not sick, you're sick!   
Cable: AND I LOVE TO-   
Rogue8: stop interrupting Cable!   
Cable: AND I LOVE TO SHOOT THEM AT ANNOYING WRITERS THAT WON'T SHUT UP!   
(Cable shoots Batwoman, and him and Rogue8 go back to the x-mansion, where she is showered with love and affection by every x-man (especially Bobby and Nate.) (Except for Scott and the professor, who haven't come out of the office in two weeks. They're to busy, ahem, *filling papers* right now.)  
  
Rogue8: You are now exiting the twilight zone...   
Batwoman: You can't use the twilight zone.  
Rogue8: You can't be here! Cable killed you!  
Batwoman: Haven't you realized yet? Nobody stays dead here! (laughs maniacaly)  
Rogue8:(throws Cable's gun at Steph, knocking her unconscious) But they do get KO'd a lot!


End file.
